Published on: 9th February 2022
Hi, my name is Holly Milligan and I’m 17 years old.
As it’s Children’s Mental Health Week, I’m going to share a few parts of my story in the hope that I may be able to help someone else.
When I was 13 years old, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, it was a constant battle with everyone, especially myself. I was numb yet so angry, I was extremely aggressive and very suicidal - at this point I had no hope and many people around me thought my anorexia would kill me.
After many months of trying to manage in the community, I was admitted to the Horizon Unit in Bury. I spent just over a year there and it was hell. It was traumatic, but the Horizon Unit saved my life, I wouldn’t be here today without the care and support they gave me, I got very lucky. I also met so many amazing people, staff and patients.
I built amazing therapeutic relationships with staff members, which allowed me to open up and them to support me better. They helped me see that one day the good will outweigh the bad by sharing a piece of their story, hearing that from someone I trusted and who has been through hell too gave me real hope.
On Horizon I learnt what my best distractions are, one of them was playing my guitar which I learnt to do from a staff member and it’s something I still get lost in and find peace in.
Last year I was asked about a new upcoming role for someone with lived experience. I got the job as ‘partnership worker’ and I loved every minute of it.
I play a part in improving the care of young people within Greater Manchester inpatient units by getting the views of current and former patients, staff, parents/carers and any other relevant stakeholders. The work builds strong working relationships with the LPC (Lead Provider Collaborative), including mapping opportunities between providers for service development and patient engagement.
It was crazy working on the unit where I was once a patient. Working with the team, some of whom had once cared for me when I was a patient, was so weird but it was such a rewarding experience as they'd helped me grow and be able to do work around areas I struggle with.
The prospect of working in mental health had always been something I wanted to do ever since I fell ill, and this was awesome, it confirmed that mental health is the area I want to work and specialize in. I’m hoping to return to the partnership worker role in April this year.
More recently I have opened up about trauma as well as my addiction. This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, it’s terrifying. Luckily, I’ve been met with love and support from my friends and family.
I’m working through it all, it is a massive struggle and I don’t know when it will get easier, but I have faith that it will because with time and the right support things do eventually get easier, it’s just a long process. I really do believe that opening up is the best thing you can do, there most likely won’t ever be a right time, you just have to take the leap and be brave. Find someone you trust and take the leap, it will be a massive weight lifted from your shoulders, trust me!
Because I have known such immense pain for so long now and in so many ways, it has taught me empathy. Not just putting myself in someone else’s shoes, real empathy where I can almost feel what someone else is feeling. I think it’s my best quality, it’s the way I’m able to help people the most and by sharing a part of me, I hope to help guide people out of their darkest days.
Take care of yourself, it’s the best thing you can do for you and all the people who love and care for you.
